Christmas Without The Merry
by The Dragon Spooker
Summary: It's Christmas time over at CC, Bulma's having a Christmas party! But the cook called ChiChi is halfdead and the boys have to cook instead! Mishaps in the kitchen, the turkeys be missin and Yamcha be dissin. Vegeta tells a story with a big pause and now
1. Default Chapter

Christmas Without The Merry pt1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Christmas holiday or any of its season stuff (e.g. songs, Santa Claus, TV specials etc). I also do not own "I can't believe it's not butter" or "Mr muscle". 

A/N: I thought I'd do a proper story for the festive season ^_^ but the DBZ guys won't see it that way. Anyhoo, just read!

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Vegeta was snoring soundly when he heard a loud yell from Trunks. He had such a fright that he hit his head on the ceiling.

"OW! DAMN IT!!" Vegeta cursed as Trunks rushed into the room and started jumping on the bed. "What is the matter with you brat?! I was sleeping!"

"It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing!" Trunks yelled very hyperactively. Vegeta groaned and looked at the clock. It flashed 6:00 am. He looked over and saw that Bulma was not there.

"Where is your mother?" Vegeta asked. Trunks kept jumping up and down.

"She's making stuff for a party!"

"I was never informed of a party!"

"Well, you know what mom's like! C'mon dad! Come play with me in the snow!!" Trunks yelled as he dragged Vegeta outside.

"Just hold on a minute brat, what the hell is snow?!" Vegeta yelled as Trunks took him outside. Now, we all know what Vegeta is like, the guy hardly ever wears a shirt. So you can imagine what happened. Vegeta ran in faster than food goes in Goku's mouth. Trunks stood there blinking.

"Dad?" 

Later on… 

"So, snow is rain but frozen." Vegeta wanted to clarify.

"More or less." Bulma replied, trying hard not to laugh.

"But, it never gets this cold where we live. So how come it's snowing?" Vegeta asked.

"These things happen. Not usually, but they do happen." Bulma said. "Now, make yourself useful and go and sit on the couch. I have a party to prepare!"

"What?! Another party! But you had one last month!" Vegeta yelled.

"This is different! We're having a Christmas party!" Bulma replied, gritting through her teeth.

"Oh that commercial holiday with all the trees and crap. We usually go over to Kakarrot's house for that!"

"Yes, but I've decided my house is better equipped to have a party."

"You mean it's less easier to destroy?"

"Your words Veggie-chan. Not mine." Bulma walked off into the kitchen.

"I HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES ONNA! DON'T CALL ME THAT ACCURSED NICKNAME!" Vegeta yelled as he sat down in a huff. He flipped on the TV and saw a Christmas TV special. "Hmm…he looks awfully familiar."

Over at the Son residence… 

Goku, Gohan and Goten were all sleeping when they heard a big yell from downstairs. They all flew down in SSJ.

"What?! What is it?!" Goku asked frantically.

"L-l-l-l-l-l-look! Goku, it's snowing!" Chi-Chi yelled. The other Sons face-faulted.

"That's what you woke us up for?!" Goku yelled as Chi-Chi gave him the evil eye. He sheepishly laughed. "Gomen…"

"Now we can't have the family Christmas dinner I wanted to cook. No one will be able to get through the snow safely. It's never this cold where we live!!" Chi-Chi wailed. All of a sudden the phone rang. Chi-Chi went to go pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hey Chi-Chi! Listen, I was wondering if we could host the dinner at my house instead! Since it's less easier to destroy and all!" Bulma chirped. _**Hehe, this way everyone can remember that the party was at my house!**_

"Really Bulma? Are you sure?" Chi-Chi asked. _**Yes! This works out for me just fine!**_

"Yes, of course I'm sure!" Bulma chirped. Chi-Chi smirked craftily.

"Dad, what's wrong with Kaasan's mouth?" Goten asked.

"Nothing son, she's just scheming." Goku replied nonchalantly. Gohan sweat-dropped.

"But Bulma, how are you going to get a cook on such short notice?" Chi-Chi asked, trying to mask the gloating in her voice. Bulma face-faulted.

"Erm…" Bulma uttered. _**Think! Think!!**_ "I was gonna ask if you could cook for us?"

"I don't know…I mean, it's such short notice! I don't know if I'll be able to!" Chi-Chi said.

"Please Chi-Chi!" Bulma begged.

"Oh, alright! We'll be right over. Just phone everyone else and tell them to come over to your house okay? Bai bai!" Chi-Chi said as she hung up the phone. Chi-Chi rubbed her hands together and laughed maniacally. "Get dressed and bring some extra fancy clothes boys! We're going to a party!"

"Um, Gohan? What just happened here?" Goku asked his son.

"From what I've gathered, kaasan must've tricked Bulma into cooking at the party which is now over at Capsule Corps." Gohan said.

"Oh…" Goku said.

_Over at CC, a few hours later…_

The whole gang (that could be found anyway ^_^) had arrived at CC and were waiting for Goku and his family to come. Trunks had already proceeded in teasing Marron and making her cry, which got him a death look from #18. Bulma was nervously pacing back and forth from the living room and into the lounge. Piccolo was watching her from the corner where he had chosen to stand with an amused look on his face.

"What's wrong with her?" Krillin asked Yamcha.

"Dunno. She's most probably making a trench to hide in when Vegeta and Goku go at it." Yamcha grinned.

"I heard that!" Vegeta remarked. Finally, the doorbell rang.

"I'LL GET IT!!" Bulma yelled as she whooshed pass her guests, knocking them to the floor. She opened the door to find the Sons standing there. Videl had come along with Gohan too. "Finally, you're here!"

"Yes, well, it took us a while!" Chi-Chi said, while giving a death glare to her sons.

"It's not my fault that the clothes you picked out for me were icky mamma!" Goten said in his most adorable voice putting out the puppy dog eyes. Chi-Chi's glare softened.

"That's okay sweetie." Chi-Chi said as they walked inside. Trunks slipped Goten a discreet high five. "So, where's the kitchen?"

"I know where it is Chi-Chi! Let's go!" Goku beamed as he grabbed Chi-Chi's hand and ran past the guests knocking them on the floor again.

"You know, I'm beginning to wonder if we should just stay down here…" Krillin muttered.

"Goku, are we there yet?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Almost…" Goku said as he swerved.

"AAAH!"

"Sorry Chi-Chi!" Goku laughed as they came into the kitchen. "It's big huh?"

Silence.

"Chi-Chi?"

More silence.

"CHI-CHI!!" Goku yelled as he saw her sprawled out on the floor.

_Back in the living room…_

"I hope the kitchen is clean enough for Chi-Chi." Bulma worried. Vegeta rolled his eyes and looked over to the three kids, who were watching "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas".

"I like that Grinch!" Vegeta commented.

"But Vegeta-san, he's evil!" Goten said.

"Yah dad!" Trunks added.

"He dressed up like Santa! Ya know, good ol' Saint Nick!" Marron beamed. Vegeta chortled.

"Saint Nick, eh? He's not such a saint." Vegeta smirked.

"What do you mean?" Trunks asked. Vegeta ushered the kids to a corner of the room. He cleared his throat and sat down with them.

"Now, you may think that this so-called 'Santa Claus' is a really good guy. Brings presents to good kids and gives the naughty ones coal. Therefore bringing world harmony…well it's a load of b…" Vegeta stopped himself before he cursed in front of the kids. "Baloney. Santa Claus is actually a Saiya-jin exiled from the planet Vegeta."

"Really?!" The three kids exclaimed.

"Yes. You see, he was different than all the rest of the Saiya-jins. He never wanted to train, he was fat and tubby and above all he had white hair. No Saiya-jins get white hair…EVER!" Vegeta said. He recollected himself. "Every year, he used to go around the planet and drop presents down the chimneys of houses and such. But he had hidden matters…he was actually surveying the houses when he dropped by to see what was the easiest way to steal stuff from them and wreck their stuff."

"Are you sure dad?" Trunks asked.

"Of course I'm sure!! You know how when you put two socks in the tumble dryer and only one comes out?"

"Yeah…"

"Santa's doing."

"Kami-sama!" The kids uttered.

"Yeah. That's why you're meant to leave cookies and milk out. He is a Saiya-jin after all." Vegeta smirked. "So, when the King found out he decided that it was too dangerous to keep him around anymore. Plus, it was getting annoying that he had to wear two different socks all the time. Santa was arrested and sent to Earth."

"I can't believe that Santa is evil!" Trunks exclaimed.

"Yah! I used to think he was such a good person!" Marron exclaimed. Vegeta got up and walked away.

"Merry Christmas kids." Vegeta smirked.

"Hey guys, isn't tonight the night when Santa comes down the chimney to drop presents?" Goten asked. The other two gulped.

"Aww man! We've got to think of a way to stop him, before he ruins Christmas!" Trunks exclaimed.

To Be Continued…

What has happened to Chi-Chi? Will the kids be able to stop Santa? Will the insanity continue?!


	2. How In De Blue Hell Do We Stop Santa?!

Christmas Without The Merry pt2

Disclaimer: I do not own the Christmas holiday or any of its season stuff (e.g. songs, Santa Claus, TV specials etc). I also do not own "I can't believe it's not butter" or "Mr muscle". 

A/N: I'm glad you guys enjoyed the first part. You'll have a few more laughs if you like slapstick and witty comments…methinks ^_^()

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_In another part of the house…_

"Gohan, we have to tell them!" Videl exclaimed.

"But sweetie, my mother will flip if I tell her that we are engaged!" Gohan said. Videl frowned.

"Are you that ashamed of me?!" Videl demanded.

"No hun! Of course not!" Gohan said and swallowed hard. "I'll tell her now."

"Really Gohan?" Videl asked as she glomped him.

"Erm, sure!" Gohan laughed nervously. They walked back into the living room when Goku rushed in with an unconscious Chi-Chi in his arms.

"Goku you dog! What were you two up to?" Yamcha smirked. Goku blushed.

"Nothing Yamcha! She just fell to the floor!" Goku protested.

"Ha! Kakarrot finally did it! He killed his devil spawn wife!" Vegeta smirked. Everyone looked at Goku with wide eyes.

"I didn't!" Goku insisted.

"Dad how could you?" Gohan asked.

"Son-kun!!" Bulma yelled.

"Son…" Piccolo said shocked and to some degree impressed.

"I didn't do it! I could never kill Chi-Chi!" Goku yelled. Krillin took this as the perfect opportunity to embarrass Goku further.

"Oh really?" Krillin asked slyly. "Why not?" Goku blinked and then blushed again.

"Never you mind!" Goku said laying her down on the couch.

"Wait a second, if mamma can't wake up then who's gonna cook us dinner?" Goten asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Bulma yelled as she rushed to the phone and pulled out the Yellow Pages.

"This has certainly been an interesting day…" #18 said, resuming to read her magazine. There was a knock at the door and when Trunks opened it, Master Roshi and Oolong were there.

"Hey gang!" Roshi exclaimed.

"As if this day couldn't get any worse…" Piccolo muttered and went into meditation.

_A couple of hours later…_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Bulma wailed as the others cringed. "I can't find a cook to cook for us!! They're all booked!"

"Bulma be quiet! Chi-Chi needs her rest!" Goku shushed.

"Well, why don't you cook for us?" #18 asked. Vegeta, Krillin and Yamcha all shook their heads frantically. Bulma scowled.

"I don't have the time to even if I wanted to! There's too much to do!" Bulma said.

"Ah, I live to see another day…" Krillin sighed. Bulma whipped a mallet out of hammer space and hit him over the head with it.

"Hmm, better her than me." #18 smirked.

"Gee, thanks honey." Krillin muttered. Vegeta threw down the TV remote and stood up.

"Onna, enough of your whining. I am a Saiya-jin, I am a prince and above all I am a man!" Vegeta declared.

"What's your point?" Bulma asked.

"My point is that I can cook this dinner just fine! There's no reason that I can't cook and baste some stupid bird!" Vegeta said. Goten suddenly paled.

"We eat bird on Christmas?!" He asked with a look on his face that signalled 'I wanna cry'.

"Of course Goten! We eat turkey." Gohan replied, smiling. Goten paled even further.

"We eat turkey?!" Goten exclaimed.

"Of course! What did you think we ate?" Gohan asked.

"I thought it was chicken." Goten replied innocently.

"But chicken is a bird too…oops." Gohan said as Goten eyes filled with water.

"So, you think you can cook a whole Christmas dinner, hmm? This coming from a man who until this morning didn't even know what snow was!!" Bulma yelled. The others started to laugh at Vegeta.

"Shut up!!" Vegeta yelled. "Just for that, the rest of you can come and cook all the menial food in the kitchen."

"NANI?!?!" They all exclaimed. #18 walked up to Vegeta and stared him down in the eye.

"I have to do what?" #18 icily said.

"You do nothing!" Vegeta hastily replied. "I want no women in my kitchen!! That includes Yamcha."

"Hey! I'll have you know that I can…" Yamcha started to say.

"SHUT UP!!" Vegeta yelled.

"Fine. I'll just go and get a camera then." Yamcha said as he started to get up.

"What for?" Goku asked.

"I wanna see what Vegeta looks like when he singes his eyebrows." Yamcha laughed. "I wonder if it'll qualify for a Kodak moment." Vegeta growled.

"Baka human."

_About ten minutes later…_

Vegeta, Krillin, Piccolo, Gohan, Roshi and Oolong stood in the massive kitchen. Krillin sighed.

"This is gonna be hard." He said.

"Nonsense! Now, I'm gonna cook the turkey since Kakarrot is trying to revive the wife he killed."

"I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE!!" Goku yelled from the living room. The others sweat-dropped.

"Anyway…the Namek will assist me. Kakarrot's brat and the midget formerly seen as bald will prepare all the little side dishes. Pig and old guy will make the desserts." Vegeta ordered.

"Wait a sec, I thought Goten was Kakarrot's brat." Gohan said.

"No that's you. He is Kakarrot's second brat." Vegeta replied. He pulled out the cookbook and started to read it. "Okay, I need to get a turkey, stuff it, baste it with butter and put it in the oven."

"I guess I'll make the stuffing then." Piccolo muttered as he walked off. Yamcha peered his head in the doorway.

"Hey guys, are you sure you don't need my help? After all I did used to…" Yamcha tried to say but Vegeta interrupted him.

"GO AWAY ONNA!" Vegeta said. Yamcha rolled his eyes and walked off.

"Okay Krillin, let's make some side dishes." Gohan declared.

"Um, Gohan…what are the side dishes?" Krillin asked. Gohan looked stumped. He put his hand behind his head and laughed sheepishly.

"To tell you the truth I don't know! We usually just eat it all without looking at what it is!" Gohan laughed. Krillin face-faulted. Vegeta and Piccolo looked inside the massive freezer and saw seven turkeys.

"Why on Earth would the onna have seven turkeys?" Vegeta asked.

"Well you Saiya-jins eat so much I guess she had to." Piccolo replied. Vegeta took one out and proceeded to stuff it with the 'stuffing' that Piccolo had prepared.

"Humans are weird. I have no idea why they would choose to stuff their food with cotton wool drowned in Worcester sauce." Vegeta shook his head.

_In Trunks' room…_

"How are we gonna stop Santa Claus? He sees everything we're doing!" Marron exclaimed.

"Yah, but I've estimated that he needs to get some sleep if he's going to be travelling all night long." Trunks explained.

"Oh!" The other two said. Trunks looked over at Marron and frowned.

"Sorry blondie but you're gonna have to wait outside." Trunks said, pushing Marron outside. Marron looked up at him with hurt eyes.

"But why?" Marron asked. Trunks sighed and pointed to a sign on the door then slammed the door in her face. She blinked and looked at the sign.

"WELL THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ME COZ I CAN'T READ YET!!" Marron yelled at the top of her little voice. Trunks opened the door again and sighed.

"It says no females allowed!" Trunks said in an exasperated voice.

"Well I'm not a female, I'm a little girl." Marron said as she pushed her way past. Trunks sighed as Goten grinned at him.

"You've got to give her credit. For a kid, she sure is smart." Goten commented.

"Shut up Goten! Okay, now here's the plan. He's gonna come down through the chimney right? So, what we do is…"

_In Bulma's office…_

"Are you sure it's no problem Yajirobe?" Bulma asked over the phone.

"No sweat Bulma, as long as I get some of that Christmas dinner!" Yajirobe said, licking his lips. "I'll wear the Santa suit over and climb down the chimney at around midnight ok?" Yajirobe confirmed.

"Ok, bye!" Bulma said hanging up the phone. She grinned. "This is gonna be the best party ever!"

To Be Continued…

Is Bulma right? Will this be the best party ever? Or will it be the worst? Why is Chi-Chi unconscious? What is Yamcha trying to tell them?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YAJIROBE?!?! Ahem, stay tuned ^_^


	3. Vegeta: HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE?!?!

Christmas Without The Merry pt3

Disclaimer: I do not own the Christmas holiday or any of its season stuff (e.g. songs, Santa Claus, TV specials etc). I also do not own "I can't believe it's not butter" or "Mr muscle". 

A/N: Wow…you reviews are so flattering! Gosh, it made me write even faster! As for Yaj…well, poor Yaj ^_^ Oh and PC dear, I'm working on the awards…it's just that this is so much easier to write ^_^()

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_Back in the kitchen…_

"Okay, the stupid bird is stuffed. Now what?" Vegeta asked Piccolo. Piccolo read the book and raised a non-existent eyebrow.

"It's says to baste it with butter and/or margarine and some other turkey seasoning stuff." Piccolo said. (A/N: You can tell by now that I'm just winging it with this whole turkey cooking thing ^_^)

"Well let me check the fridge." Vegeta said and he returned with butter. Or at least that's what he thought. Piccolo read the label.

"I Can't Believe Its Not Butter." Piccolo read. "Vegeta, this isn't butter."

"Really?" Vegeta asked sarcastically. "I don't get humans you know. Why bother having a product that isn't butter and then calling it I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? What's the point?! If these idiots took half the time to actually read the ingredients then they'd know it wasn't butter. But the package still claims I Can't Believe Its Not Butter!" Vegeta ranted.

"I know what you mean. You know that cleaner Mr Muscle?"

"Yeah…"

"Well the label on it says 'Loves The Jobs You Hate'. Well I was in charge of watering Popo's garden while he went on holiday so I thought let Mr Muscle do it! I hate the job and it should love it right? I come back a couple of hours later and the plants are all brown. I mean, I even supplied it with water for pete's sake!" Piccolo ranted.

"Humans!" They both said as they proceeded to rub I Can't Believe It's Not Butter all over the cotton wool filled turkey. Gohan and Krillin snickered.

"Okay Krillin we've made roast potatoes, mash potatoes, boiled potatoes and french fries. I think now we need to make some peas." Gohan declared. Krillin fished about in the freezer.

"Found them! But they're already cooked." Krillin said proceeding in pouring the peas into a plate. Gohan touched one of them.

"Krillin! They're frozen!" Gohan said.

"Don't worry I'll fix that…" Krillin said powering up.

_Meanwhile…_

Videl was sitting on the couch with #18 watching a Christmas movie. #18's presence intimidated her very much but she did need some advice on what to do with Gohan. His mother had passed out and his father was tending to her, of course it didn't seem like the right time to tell them about the engagement but Videl felt that Gohan was avoiding it somehow. #18 was the only one around whom she could ask for advice since everyone else was busy.

_**It's impossible to know what she's thinking! Her facial expression stays the same all the time!**_ Videl thought to herself. #18 looked over to Videl.

"Look, if you want to ask me something then come straight out with it. Is this between you and Goku's eldest?" #18 asked. Videl's eyes widened.

"Erm, ok…me and Gohan have gotten engaged but we haven't told anyone except our friends yet. Gohan keeps avoiding telling his family." Videl stated looking over to Goku and the unconscious Chi-Chi.

"I can't say I blame him. These guys are pretty crazy…" #18 said.

"I'm sure they're not that bad…" Videl said. #18 just raised her eyebrow.

"3,2,1…" She said in a bored manner.

"AAAAARRRGG!!" Gohan's screams were heard from the kitchen.

"AIYEE!! I'M SORRY GOHAN!!" Krillin yelled.

"NOW I HAVE FLAMING HOT PEAS STUCK TO MY FOREHEAD!!"

"I THOUGHT IF I CHI BLASTED THEM THEY'D COOK!!" There was more noise and crashes as you could hear Gohan chasing Krillin around the massive kitchen. Videl looked at #18 in surprise.

"I just hang out here a lot." #18 replied as she went back to watching TV.

_Back in the kitchen…_

Gohan was chasing Krillin around the kitchen since the chi blasted peas were stuck to his forehead. Master Roshi and Oolong had already made a Christmas pudding but they wanted to light it. Roshi poured a lot of wine inside the pudding. Just as Krillin ran past Oolong set it alight. Let's just say that quarter of the kitchen was flambé! Gohan suddenly stopped chasing Krillin and rolled on the floor with laughter.

"What are you laughing at?" Krillin said as he looked into a saucepan. "AAAAAAAAH!! MY HAIR! IT'S GONE AGAIN!!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Gohan laughed. "Now we're even!"

"Heh! The midget formerly seen as bald but now seen as bald again!" Vegeta laughed. Piccolo and Vegeta looked as if they were fine. But the worst was yet to come.

"There! We've done all seven turkeys! Now how long does it take to cook them?" Vegeta asked. Piccolo looked at the cookbook and his eyes widened.

"Erm, why don't you take a look?" Piccolo suggested. Vegeta read the book.

"What do you mean the turkey takes eight hours to cook??!! WE DON'T HAVE THAT LONG!!" Vegeta yelled.

"Well I didn't write the cookbook Vegeta!" Piccolo argued back. Vegeta's face suddenly lit up.

"I have an idea." Vegeta said as he powered up. Gohan and Krillin looked over and gasped.

"VEGETA!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" They both yelled.

**BOOM!!!**

The kitchen staff were covered in ash, turkey bits and there was cotton wool floating about. Suddenly there was a flash.

"GET BACK HERE WITH THAT CAMERA YAMCHA!!" Krillin yelled. They could hear Yamcha's sniggers as he ran down the hall.

"Since when did it snow inside as well?" Vegeta asked. Everyone else sighed.

"Erm Piccolo?" Gohan asked. "Why is there cotton wool floating about?"

"Because it was the stuffing inside the turkey." Piccolo replied. The others face-faulted.

"YOU DON'T STUFF TURKEYS WITH COTTON WOOL!" Oolong yelled. Piccolo and Vegeta both gave him the evil eye and he shut up.

"Why not?! You stuff animals with cotton wool." Piccolo defended himself.

"Yah! But we don't eat them!" Krillin protested.

"Maybe you don't!" Piccolo retorted. Krillin sighed a mushroom cloud.

"What are we gonna do now?! Vegeta blasted all the turkeys and there's nothing left for us to eat!" Gohan said.

"Damn. It's too bad Kakarrot had to go and kill his wife." Vegeta commented.

"FOR THE LAST TIME!! I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE!!" Goku yelled. They all looked at each other blankly. In a flash, Vegeta had grabbed Oolong and tried to put him in the oven. Of course fear makes you ten times stronger so Oolong was able to stop himself from becoming Christmas dinner.

"What are you doing Vegeta?!" Oolong yelled desperately trying to hold on to the door of the oven.

"What do you think Bacon? You're our dinner!" Vegeta yelled maniacally. The others tried to stop Vegeta from cooking Oolong.

_Meanwhile…_

"Are the traps all set?" Trunks asked. Marron and Goten nodded. "Excellent. Let's see Mr Cringle get pass that! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!"

"Why are you laughing like that?" Marron asked. Trunks shrugged.

"It seemed appropriate." He replied.

"Hey Bulma! Could you come here for a second?" Goku yelled. Bulma came running.

"What is it?! Did Chi-Chi wake up?!" Bulma asked frantically. Goku just blinked at her.

"Okay no. I was just gonna ask what kind of cleaner did you use on your kitchen?"

"Citrus fresh, why?"

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW I NEVER KILLED HER!" Goku yelled triumphantly. Videl, #18 and Bulma all looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Ahem, she's allergic to all cleaners that are citrus fresh!"

"OH! Damn it's all my fault!" Bulma said.

"I wouldn't worry about it Bulma…"

"Now everyone is gonna starve and its all my fault!" Bulma wailed as Goku face-faulted. Suddenly loud, ear-piercing screams were heard from the kitchen.

"Ooh. That can't be good…" Goku commented. There was a strong gust of wind and as Goku turned around he saw Oolong on his shoulder. Goku blinked in surprise. "What's the matter Oolong?" Goku asked but he didn't need an answer as a hungry Vegeta came whooshing into the living room.

"Give me the ham Kakarrot!" Vegeta yelled. Yamcha and the kids plus the kitchen staff all came running on.

"What's going on?" Yamcha asked.

"VEGETA WANTS TO EAT ME!!" Oolong yelled.

"Wow Vegeta-san, I never knew you were a canna…canna…a people eating person." Goten said. Vegeta's eyebrow twitched violently.

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HE IS NOT A PERSON?!?! HE'S A FREAKIN PIG!!" Vegeta yelled. Everyone just looked at him blankly. Bulma looked at the time.

"Vegeta, where is our dinner?!" she yelled.

"We couldn't make the turkey. Vegeta exploded it." Piccolo stated. Bulma face-faulted.

"NANI?!?! VEGETA NO BAKA!!!" Bulma yelled.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT HUMANS CAN'T DECIDE WHAT BUTTER IS!!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" Bulma yelled. The kids took this opportunity to start their plan to capture Santa Claus and set the traps around the chimney.

"IF KAKARROT'S BRAT AND HIS FREAK BRIGADE KNEW LEFT FROM RIGHT…" Vegeta started to yell.

"Hey! We made all our food just fine!! It's not our fault your brain isn't as big as your ego!!" Gohan yelled.

"Gohan!" Videl said in surprise. Everyone except Goku, Yamcha and #18, who was more interested in her magazine, started arguing very loudly. Finally it was too much…

"WILL EVERYONE PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

To Be Continued…

Who is yelling? What will become of Christmas Dinner? What will become of Yajirobe? Will Vegeta sue the I Can't Believe Its Not Butter Company for negligence? Find out next time!


	4. The Big Showdown

Christmas Without The Merry pt4

Disclaimer: I do not own the Christmas holiday or any of its season stuff (e.g. songs, Santa Claus, TV specials etc). I also do not own "I can't believe it's not butter" or "Mr muscle". 

A/N: Ooh, I haven't written in a long time ^_^() but I had to get this out in time for the holidays, didn't I? Enjoy!

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"WILL EVERYONE PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Everyone looked over to a very angry and a very red-faced Goku. His arms were raised over his head and he had a very fiery look in his eye.

"My wife is ill, it's the holiday season and all of you are bickering like you're on a talk show! I have never been this angry since I last saw Buu!!" Goku scolded. "Now I understand that Vegeta couldn't cook the turkey…"

"I could if I wanted to…" Vegeta muttered.

"No talking!!" Goku snapped. "Yamcha, why didn't you help them? You know how to cook." Everyone looked at Yamcha.

"NANI?!?!" They yelled.

"I tried to tell you! But you guys didn't want to hear it." Yamcha said proudly. The others looked at him with evil eyes. "I'll just go then shall I?" Yamcha walked out, came back in, took #18 with him and walked back out.

"Hey Krillin, I'd keep an eye on your wife if I were you." Gohan said. In a flash, Krillin took off after them. Gohan snickered as Goku gave him a warning look. "Sorry dad."

"Dad, why are you so angry today?" Goten asked.

"Well son, with your mother out cold I kind of have to fill her role of discipline or something. All I know is that it involved a contract and some guy in a suit." Goku answered.

"Well since Yamcha and #18 are cooking the meal why don't we all get dressed, hmm?" Bulma ordered.

_Later…_

The guests were all dressed up, the house was decorated, the traps were set and Chi-Chi was awake. It was the moment of truth. Dinner. They all walked into the dining room and saw a beautiful spread on the table. They all sat down with Yamcha and #18 who were already seated.

"Yamcha! How in the world did you learn to cook like this?!" Krillin exclaimed.

"Well think about it Krillin. I don't have a mother or a wife to cook for me. Who do you think cooked for me all these years?" Yamcha laughed.

"Certainly not Bulma." Vegeta muttered as Bulma gave him the evil eye.

"#18 was just helping with the measurements and stuff." Yamcha said.

"But how did you get it to cook so fast?" Gohan asked.

"Did you bozos even think of using the microwave?" #18 asked. Krillin and Gohan looked embarrassed, Vegeta looked bored and Piccolo looked confused.

"What the hell is a microwave?" Piccolo asked. The younger ones started to laugh and soon Goku joined in with them.

"Piccolo, you crack me up!" Goku laughed.

"I wouldn't laugh if I were you Son. You were the one who married your wife without actually knowing what marriage meant…" Piccolo smirked as he took a sip of his wine. "Mmm, fruity…"

"Hey! I was only 14 when she asked me that! I knew what it was afterwards!" Goku exclaimed as the table burst into fits of laughter. Goku joined into the laughter as well.

_Even more later…_

"BURP!" Vegeta let out a belch.

"Ditto!" The other Saiya-jins said as the other guests looked on at them. Of course, they had stopped eating a long time ago, most of them because of loss of appetite. They all went down to sit in the front room when the clock hit midnight. There were loud bangs and rumbles heard from the roof. Bulma sweat-dropped as her guests began to notice.

"Bulma, what is that noise?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Erm, nothing! You hear nothing!" Bulma laughed nervously. The kids began to have worried looks on their faces.

"You don't think it could be…" Marron started. Goten nodded with a serious look on his face.

"It's El Diablo known as Father Christmas." Goten said.

"Ok, no more Cable TV for you!" Trunks said. "Let's just see if the traps work."

There was a loud clambering followed by a very loud yell. Everyone gasped in shock as a big bag dropped down the chimney followed by an upside-down, very red faced Santa.

"WAHOO!" The kids yelled. "We caught Santa Claus!"

"Silly brats. That isn't Santa Claus." Vegeta smirked. The kids turned blue and looked at Santa.

"If that ain't him…then who is it?" Goten asked fearfully.

"Bulma!! What the heck is this?!?! I CAME HERE TO DO YOU A FAVOUR AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?!?!?! HAVING RED HOT POKERS BEING STUCK IN MY BUTT AND BEING HUNG UPSIDE DOWN LIKE SOME SORT OF CHRISTMAS DECORATION?!!" Yajirobe yelled. 

"Yajirobe?!" Everyone exclaimed.

"No? Really? You don't say?" Yajirobe said sarcastically. As Goku and Krillin tried to help him down the doorbell rang. Before anyone could get up to answer it the person had already come in.

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" A merry voice chirped as Santa Claus walked in. "Sorry for the intrusion, there was a problem with the chimney." 

"It's Santa!" The three little kids yelled as they hid behind their mothers. Bulma raised an eyebrow. She turned around to scold Vegeta but saw that his eyebrow was twitching violently.

"YOU!" Vegeta yelled as he shook his fist at Santa. "HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE IN MY HOUSE?!?!" Santa looked over and gasped, dropping his sack.

"V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-VEGETA?!!" Santa yelled in fear and shock. "I never thought I'd run into you on this planet!"

"Cool! Vegeta, how do you know Santa Claus?" Goku exclaimed.

"He's a Saiya-jin that was banished from our planet because he was an evil bastard." Vegeta replied.

"Vegeta! Language!" Chi-Chi scolded.

"Great (!) First Goku and now Santa! Who's gonna be a Saiya-jin next? Krillin?" Yamcha said. Vegeta and Krillin both laughed at that comment.

"I want you to get out of my house now!" Vegeta yelled. "Who in the hell do you think you are?! Coming to Earth and posing a bringer of goodwill in Holland. Not that I approve of that sort of thing but it's evil! Then you had the nerve to associate yourself with Coca-Cola and they made you a worldwide legend!"

"NO! NOT COCA-COLA!" Trunks yelled.

"Hey! It's not my fault they liked me! They even gave me a spiffy new red look!" Santa grinned. Vegeta's eyebrow twitched.

"GET OUT!!" Vegeta yelled.

"But…" Santa started but Vegeta had lost all patience and started to pummel him mercilessly. They took the fight out into the backyard. They stood face to face staring each other down as if they were pro-wrestlers on an episode of Smackdown!

"YAH!! GO DAD/MR VEGETA!!" The three kids yelled as everyone cleared out of the way. Vegeta threw down some terrific punches but Santa seemed to dodge every last one.

"Damn! For a fat guy, he sure can move fast." Gohan commented.

"Gohan! What have I told you about using that word?!" Chi-Chi scolded.

"You were right…they are weird." Videl said to #18 but #18 merely shrugged. Vegeta finally got Santa in a mercy hold as he sat on Santa's back, grabbed his leg and bent it back.

"SAY UNCLE!" Vegeta yelled.

"NEVER!"

"SAY IT!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"If that's how you wanna go then…"

"OK! OK! UNCLE! UNCLE!!" Santa yelled in anguish. Vegeta then started to pummel his head in.

"This is for stealing my action figures!! And this is for the presents I never got!! AND THIS IS FOR ALL THE SOCKS THAT WERE LOST COZ OF YOUR INSANITY!! FINAL…FLAAAAAASH!!" Vegeta yelled dusting Santa. The kids cheered.

"You killed Santa Claus! Cool breeze dad!" Trunks said. Vegeta merely smirked. The adults all stared at him with wide-eyes.

"What is everyone staring at? Let's eat!" Vegeta said.

"But Vegeta! We just ate! How can you be hungry again?!" Bulma exclaimed.

"A good fight always makes me hungry. You should know that by now onna!" Vegeta laughed. As Bulma and Vegeta argued the others followed them inside.

"You know Chi-Chi, some good did come out of this." Goku commented as he put his arm around her.

"You mean because we stopped an evil tyrant from brainwashing all the people of the Earth through TV specials and product endorsements and therefore saving humanity and the real meaning of Christmas holiday?" Chi-Chi asked. Goku looked at her and blinked. He then blushed and laughed sheepishly.

"I actually meant that this year it wasn't my fault that the backyard got trashed and that you're not mad at me! Hehehe!" Goku laughed. Chi-Chi face-faulted.

"Son Goku, I sometimes wonder what you're made of…" Chi-Chi muttered.

The End!

Well, it may not have been a good ending but it was the best I could come up with darn it! Anyhoo, happy holidays everyone!


End file.
